I hate that I can’t sleep. Sometimes I watch my husband sleep in jealousy. I can go on little or no sleep and still not be tired. My doctors have me trying new medications, but I don’t like being a test subject. I am listening to the doctors and I have yet to see the results. I have to keep trying, right?
I know that I don’t write much, but this makes me feel better sometimes. To all the other insomniacs, hope you find relief and when you do, share the secret.
Today I am going to start breathing. I spend so much of my time helping others that I have such little time to myself. That is going to change. Don’t get me wrong. I will always be there for the people that truly need me, but I have learned that if I don’t take care of me first then how will I be able to take care of anyone else. The answer is that I wouldn’t be able to. I love all of my family and friends and just want to be the best that I can be. Not only for myself but for all of them as well.
When is the best way to tell someone that it is time to grow up and be responsible? I look back at my life and think about the decisions that I have made and how those decisions effected me and where it put me at in life.
I love my family, I really do. I believe that every single family has those members that they aren’t the proudest of. The slackers, the snooty, and don’t forget about the perfect ones. What would we be like without them? I write this because family is the most important thing in my life. A special lady (by the way rich too )once told me, ” Treasure your family instead of money, I wasted most of my life at work to make sure that these children of mine could have everything. But you know what they wanted more. ? A mom. ” I took her advice and ran with it. Bug what I have learned is that not all family is family and some friends are more family than actual friends. The reason I say this is because I have noticed that most of my problems are with family and not the world or work, but with the family. I wish there was a way to tell the ones who have been doing what they are supposed to that they are on the right track, and a way to tell the ones who are in the way to move.
Another day in paradise. I have found myself learning more than I thought I could or would. I think the trip to Colorado did more for me than I thought. After seeing my father for the first time in 2 years and actually seeing him happy made me happy. As I take each day my hope is to be able to be as happy as him.
So, it has been a while since I was on, but a very well long vacation finally happened and I had so much to do that I had no time to even get on the Internet. I found a post one time that said, ” I can’t wait until I have friends that make me forget about the Internet.” I am a person who usually gets on a couple of times a day. Most of the time I just get on to pass time. My family and I took a well deserved trip to beautiful Colorado to see my father. My goodness is all I can keep saying. The roads are so nice, the people are so nice and helpful. I didn’t want to be back home. I thought home was supposed to be the most comforting place a person can have, but home is usually where the problems are. Believe it or not as much as I complain, most of my problems aren’t actually in my house, but with my work. I have 2 jobs, but one of them is a home health aide. For that employment I have 3 different patients. One lives with me and the other two I moved to the next block of my house. One of these patients is my husband’s grandfather. I love him like he is my grandfather. This man has so much family, that most people would be jealous. The craziest part of it all is everything is left to my husband and I. We left the state for 8 days. I got 10 calls for just about anything. This is where it gets worse. I have been doing this job for 6 years now and not once in 6 years have I asked for help from any of his 6 kids, or 33 grandchildren, and I could keep going but I won’t. I have been told now that if I want another vacation that I would have to figure everything and I mean everything before I go, oh and I have to find other people to help. Not his kids, not his grandkids, but someone else. Now this is where I am going to blow everyones mind. I had to enlist 8 people to do my job. I am one person and I do it, but 8 people together still needed to call because they didn’t know what to do. I gave clear instructions before I left, all doctor appointments were taking care of and so was there medicines. All I needed was for people to visit and feed them. OMG!! You would have thought that I asked for the world. One thing I am thankful for is my sister. She is a great person and I have told her repeatedly. She was the only one who was there consistently while I was gone. She got stressed out about things, but she did it. So thank you my sister and I love you.
So all in all, I am not sure if I am happy to be back home or not.
Today I learned so many things new about myself. I first learned that every blue eyed person is related. Blue eyes did not exist 6,000 to 10,000 years ago. Everyone one had brown eyes until then. I also found on one site that says blue eyes and red hair is the rarest combonation. Guess what I am ? You guessed it, red hair with blue eyes. Yeah me. I also learned about the abuse and racism us gingers had to endure. I am happy to say I personally never really had to deal with the same. There were people who picked on me, but nothing I couldn’t handle. The internet is such a wonderful thing. I am thankful for learning. Do you know what your eye color or hair color say about you?
Today was such a day. I don’t know where to start. I had a couple of my nieces stay the night. That’s always fun. Watching kids and how much energy they have is absolutely amazing. I am a family oriented kind of person. I love having people over. My family’s home is the place every kid wants to hang out at during the summer, weekends, oh, and the winter too. When I was a child, my family got together for everything. I loved it. Then when I turned 13 my grandparents divorced and it felt like the family did too. I swore that when I became a mother, I would have my family like the one when I was little. Wow. That sounds like it would be easy, but was I wrong. My children have 5 sets of grandparents. Not one set is involved in my children’s lives except at holidays. Why is that ?
On another note, I now have gone almost a month without speaking to my mother. I can slready hear people telling me that I have to make sure that I put in an effort too. I called my mother for 9 days straight. I texted and left messages. Not one return call. She works about 20 hours a week and sees my grandmother one time a week at the nursing home. I would love for one person to find one excuse that would be good enough. I just wish I could have a great relationship with my mother. I want what she had with my grandma. I think the hardest part to swallow is my younger sister, who repeatedly uses our mother, can call most times and get an answer. I am not calling for anything but for a voice to hear.
I will say that I am fortunate. I have wonderful husband and awesome children and i am proud to say they will know the importance of family and friends.